Setting Realistic Expectations in Therapy: What to Know Before You Start!

Starting therapy can feel like opening a mysterious gift: exciting, intimidating, and maybe a little confusing. Some people hope for instant breakthroughs, others dream of a therapist with a crystal ball who whispers all the answers. Spoiler alert: therapy isn’t magic. It is a process, and knowing what to expect can help you feel less like you’re flailing in the dark and more like you’re actually moving forward with one small victory at a time.

 Why Expectations Matter

How you approach therapy matters. Unrealistic expectations, such as expecting instant relief from anxiety, immediate conflict resolution, or permanent “fixes” for deeply ingrained patterns can leave you feeling frustrated or discouraged. Setting realistic goals, on the other hand, helps you:

• Track meaningful progress over time (even if it’s just “I didn’t yell at my cat today”)

• Build a collaborative relationship with your therapist

• Recognize small but important changes

• Stay committed, even when growth feels slow

Research suggests that clients who have clear, realistic expectations about therapy report higher satisfaction and better outcomes (Wampold, 2015).

Common Misconceptions About Therapy

Before diving into expectations, it’s helpful to address a few myths:

Myth: Therapy is a quick fix
Real change usually happens gradually. Therapy is more like a slow-cooked stew than a microwave meal. Reflection, practice, and small behavioral tweaks add up over time (Geller & Greenberg, 2012).

Myth: My therapist will give me all the answers
Your therapist is a guide, not a genie. Therapists guide and support, but you’re the one doing the work. Change happens when you actively engage, reflect, and apply strategies between sessions (Wampold, 2015). You do the heavy lifting, but hey, they’ll help you figure out which weights to lift.

Myth: Feeling worse means therapy isn’t working
Exploring emotions or past experiences can temporarily intensify discomfort. This is a normal part of processing, and with support, it often leads to insight and growth (Geller & Greenberg, 2012).

Myth: Therapy should solve all of my problems
Therapy can improve coping, insight, and relationships, but perfection? Not on the menu. Realistic expectations help you focus on achievable outcomes rather than perfection (Wampold, 2015).

Tips for Setting Realistic Expectations

1. Focus on progress, not perfection

Change is usually incremental. Celebrate small wins, such as pausing before reacting in an argument, noticing a trigger, or practicing self-compassion.

2. Set specific, achievable goals

Vague goals like “be happier” or “fix my relationship” are hard to measure. Instead, try:

• “Practice deep breathing during stressful moments at work.”

• “Communicate my needs clearly to my partner twice this week.”

• “Notice and challenge negative self-talk each day.”

3. Understand the pace of therapy

Some issues, such as trauma, attachment patterns, or long-standing habits, take time to explore. Therapy is a marathon, not a sprint (Wampold, 2015).

4. Recognize your role in the process

Your engagement is crucial. Attending sessions, practicing skills outside of therapy, and being honest about your thoughts and feelings all contribute to change (Geller & Greenberg, 2012).

5. Communicate openly with your therapist

Confused? Frustrated? Feeling like you’re in slow motion? Say so. Therapy is a team sport, and your therapist can adjust the game plan.

6. Expect emotional ups and downs

Working through difficult emotions can feel uncomfortable. This discomfort is often a sign of growth, and over time, you’ll gain tools to navigate feelings more effectively (Geller & Greenberg, 2012). Growth is rarely a straight line. Sometimes it’s a rollercoaster, and yes, you might scream a little. It’s okay. It’s part of the ride.

7. Be flexible

Your goals may change as you learn more about yourself. Flexibility isn’t failure; it’s evolution.

Signs Your Expectations Are Realistic

• You focus on learning skills and building awareness, not instant perfection

• You understand therapy is collaborative

• You accept that progress is gradual and non-linear

• You can tolerate temporary discomfort for long-term growth

• You are willing to practice strategies outside of sessions

Moving Forward

Going into therapy with realistic expectations sets the stage for lasting change. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” you overnight. It’s about learning, growing, and developing tools to navigate life more effectively.

References

Geller, J., & Greenberg, L. (2012). Therapeutic presence: A mindful approach to effective therapy. American Psychological Association.

Wampold, B. E. (2015). The basics of psychotherapy: An introduction to theory and practice. American Psychological Association.