From the Therapist’s Chair: What We’re Actually Thinking While You’re in Therapy
Or Ever Wonder What Your Therapist is Actually Thinking?
You’re sitting on the couch wondering:
Am I talking too much?
Not enough?
Did that make sense?
Was that a “therapy answer” or a real one?
From the therapist’s chair?
We’re not grading you.
There’s no rubric.
No gold star for “most insight in 50 minutes.”
Here’s what therapy actually looks like from this side of the room.
We’re Not Tracking Your Progress Like a Fitbit
Clients often say:
“I feel like I should be further along.”
“I talked about this already, but why is it still here?”
“Am I stuck?”
“Is this productive enough?”
“Was that a breakthrough or am I talking in circles?”
From our chair, we’re not counting breakthroughs per session. Fun fact: Therapy is rarely one big “aha” moment after another.
We’re noticing:
You paused instead of pushing through
You named a feeling instead of explaining it away
You showed up on a week you really didn’t want to
That’s not stuck.
That’s movement — even if it doesn’t feel Instagram-worthy.
Therapy is Not Glamorous
Therapy Is Not a String of Breakthroughs (And That’s Normal)!
If therapy worked the way TV shows or Instagram make it look, you’d have:
· One emotional revelation
· A deep cry
· A perfectly timed insight
· And then… healed
In reality, it usually looks like:
· Talking about the same thing in slightly different ways
· Noticing something after the session, not during
· Realizing a pattern weeks before it actually changes
· A “meh” session that still matters
The lack of fireworks isn’t a red flag.
It’s often a sign your nervous system feels safe enough to do slow, real work.
THIS is when breakthroughs happen. Just not on a schedule!
Silence Isn’t Awkward. We Promise.
You might be thinking:
“Oh no, I’m paying for this silence.”
From us, silence usually means something important is happening internally.
It might mean:
Your nervous system is slowing down
A feeling is forming before words catch up
You’re doing the very unglamorous work of integration
We’re not uncomfortable.
We’re not panicking.
We’re just… letting your system do its thing.
(And yes, silence counts as therapy.)
We Notice Patterns You’re Too Busy Surviving to See
You’re focused on what you’re saying.
We’re noticing how:
Your shoulders rise when certain topics come up
You laugh right before saying something painful
You minimize things that clearly mattered
Not as a “gotcha.”
As information.
These patterns are often protective, not problematic. They helped you once. Therapy just gives you more options now.
You Don’t Need Insight on Demand
A lot of clients worry they’re not “self-aware enough.”
Here’s the thing:
Insight isn’t the entry requirement. It’s the outcome.
From our chair:
Confusion is normal
Repetition is expected
Emotional reactions often come before understanding
You don’t need a breakthrough every week.
Sometimes the work is just noticing something feels different, heavy, or unclear.
That still counts.
You’re Not “Too Aware” — Insight Just Isn’t the Whole Story
This might surprise you, but from the therapist’s chair, having a lot of insight isn’t always the goal.
Many clients come in already knowing:
why they are the way they are
where it came from
how their childhood, relationships, trauma, or nervous system play a role
They can explain it beautifully.
They’ve read the books.
They’ve listened to the podcasts.
They’ve done the reflecting.
And yet… they still feel stuck.
From our chair, that’s not a failure of insight. It’s often a sign that insight has been doing the job of control.
Understanding something intellectually doesn’t automatically mean your body feels safe, regulated, or able to respond differently yet.
Insight Without Integration Can Feel Like Spinning
Clients with a lot of insight often say things like:
“I know why this happens, but it still happens.”
“I can explain it. I just can’t change it.”
“I feel like I’m thinking my way in circles.”
That makes sense.
Insight lives in the thinking part of the brain.
Change happens when your nervous system has time, safety, and repetition.
From our perspective, this isn’t overthinking. It’s a system that learned to survive by understanding everything as fast as possible.
That strategy worked once. Therapy just helps you learn more options.
What We’re Watching For Instead
When insight is already there, we’re not trying to add more explanations.
We’re paying attention to:
When your body softens
When your breath changes
When a familiar pattern doesn’t hook you as quickly
When you respond differently (even slightly)
Those shifts don’t always come with a big “aha.”
Often they come quietly, after weeks of work that felt slow or repetitive.
That’s integration.
And that’s where real change tends to live.
We Definitely Notice How Hard You Are on Yourself
If there were a frequent-flyer program for self-criticism, most clients would have elite status.
From the therapist’s chair, it’s often obvious:
· You’re not failing at healing.
· You’re exhausted from holding it together for a long time.
And survival strategies don’t disappear just because we understand them intellectually. They soften with safety, time, and practice.
No rush. We certainly aren’t worried about how long YOUR healing takes.
We’re Not Comparing You to Other Clients
You might wonder:
“Is my stuff worse than everyone else’s?”
“Do other people handle this better?”
Short answer: No, and also… That’s not how this works!
We don’t rank pain.
We don’t compare stories.
We don’t have a secret leaderboard.
For us, every response makes sense in context. Yours included.
What We Wish You Could See From Here
If you could sit in the therapist’s chair for a moment, you might notice:
You’re not behind
You’re not doing therapy wrong
You don’t need to perform or impress anyone
And slow doesn’t mean broken
Healing usually looks less like an “aha” moment and more like:
slightly different reactions
longer pauses
a little more room to breathe
From our chair, those moments matter.
What Are We Actually Thinking?
Here’s a little secret from the therapist’s position: We’re rooting for you. Really.
Every time you show up, even on a week you don’t feel like it.
Every time you notice a feeling instead of pushing it away.
Every time you tell yourself, “I don’t know what I want to say, but I’ll try anyway.”
We see that. And from this side of the room, it looks like courage.
Therapy isn’t about perfect answers or constant breakthroughs.
It’s about showing up for yourself consistently, even when it’s messy.
So yes, while you’re questioning, reflecting, worrying, or spinning in circles:
We’re silently (and sometimes not-so-silently) cheering you on.
Because those small, often invisible steps? They’re progress.
Because showing up for yourself is the bravest thing you do. And because you really are doing the work — even when it doesn’t feel like it. From our perspective, your persistence is a victory in itself.